Passionate on the inside

I always considered myself a committed person, more than a passionate one. If I tell you I am going to do something, I will try and do it even if it kills me. So why do I baulk at passionate? I tend to associate passion with excitement. We all know people that can’t sit still and want to shout out to everyone that they love what they are doing. I’m not sure I have ever been like that but I love people that are. It is infectious and I am always looking for these people. Personally, I tend not to be passionate about one particular thing – things come and go. I am more interested by ideas and sometimes I think that these can be too big to be passionate about.

passion, modern cave dweller

I am committed to making a difference. The problem with trying to make a difference is that it is vague. When people at parties ask you what you do, you do not respond with – “oh, me, I make a difference”. Apart from sounding monstrously pretentious, it just doesn’t mean anything.  Anyway, vague … When you are targeting something vague it is very easy to get distracted doing all sorts of things as a means to an end. Imagine the scientists that now spend half their time asking for money to do science rather than sciencing, or the writer spending so much time on Twitter/Facebook/Google+ building their network/following that they forget to write. They spend so much time talking about what they want to do, or doing something they feel will help in the long run, that they lose sight of their passion. I sit guilty as charged on all counts.

A quick look around the interwebs on “passionate people” throws up all sorts of self help and motivational quotes building on the idea that passionate people are better and/or happier, they get excited more often, they are positive.  Given that I actively seek out these people, I suppose I have to agree. So, am I a passionate person? Could I be? I stumbled upon a list of 10 Habits of Passionate People That You Can Adopt As Well on the Lifehack website. When I read that I scored better than I expected (7/10). Where I thought I failed was in being happy/excited/positive… Over at Elite Daily they noted that  “… They get overly excited and push themselves to their limits. They love working and love moving forward quickly. But they eventually do run out of steam and crash.”

I think that this is where I got caught. I crashed. I don’t recall where or when but I expect that it has been quite a few years. Realising this is the first step to getting back to being alive, to being excited and excitable. I know that when I am doing what I want, I am happy, and when I feel like I am working for someone else, someone else’s agenda, much less so. My initial solution is simple – Just say NO – at least more often and avoid getting too distracted. It is hard when you like helping others but at some point you will not be able to help them without first getting your self in order. I want my eyes to light up when I get the chance to talk to someone about what I do. I am a passionate person, just at the moment it is all on the inside.

Anyway, if you ‘re looking for me I’ll be just over here getting my house/head back together.