Passionate on the inside

I always considered myself a committed person, more than a passionate one. If I tell you I am going to do something, I will try and do it even if it kills me. So why do I baulk at passionate? I tend to associate passion with excitement. We all know people that can’t sit still and want to shout out to everyone that they love what they are doing. I’m not sure I have ever been like that but I love people that are. It is infectious and I am always looking for these people. Personally, I tend not to be passionate about one particular thing – things come and go. I am more interested by ideas and sometimes I think that these can be too big to be passionate about.

passion, modern cave dweller

I am committed to making a difference. The problem with trying to make a difference is that it is vague. When people at parties ask you what you do, you do not respond with – “oh, me, I make a difference”. Apart from sounding monstrously pretentious, it just doesn’t mean anything.  Anyway, vague … When you are targeting something vague it is very easy to get distracted doing all sorts of things as a means to an end. Imagine the scientists that now spend half their time asking for money to do science rather than sciencing, or the writer spending so much time on Twitter/Facebook/Google+ building their network/following that they forget to write. They spend so much time talking about what they want to do, or doing something they feel will help in the long run, that they lose sight of their passion. I sit guilty as charged on all counts.

Continue reading “Passionate on the inside”

Just write it!

Recently, I realised that I was about a third of the way into the first draft of my first serious attempt at a novel. As one could imagine I wasn’t happy with it. There is some great stuff there, but stylistically I have a lot of work to do. I had thought this through, planned out everything and had very clear ideas about my characters and various key points in the plot, but … I realised that I was probably trying to run before I could walk.

#MCD #amwritingThen out of the blue I see a tweet from Ksenia Anske on the danger of outlining. Indeed, why should I plan how I’m going to write a book, I never plan anything. And so it was that this fell just before I forced myself to take a break from my other full time job. How better to celebrate than to just dive in and say I’m going to write for two days. What a fantastic experience. I had no idea what was going to happen. I started –

First, the stars fell from the sky, now, it would appear it’s our turn.

Continue reading “Just write it!”

You can’t kill me, I already tried.

And so it is that once again I find one of my lives saturating the other. The things we do for money! I started this “12 for 21” series of posts to force myself to look at the beauty in the world, in life. After the last month, I am just grateful that I haven’t killed anyone… again. I was a day late, last month … because I forgot what day it was. This month I am 10 days late, but I was no longer the master of my life. I was a slave to others, and I had given myself willingly. Reflecting on what has happened, I realise that my life is not only not my own, it is out of control. It will have its revenge. It will kill me. It will try.

Henry Rollins

Nonetheless, I keep waking up alive. To be honest, this has been both a source of surprise and encouragement for over twenty years now. Admittedly, in my youth it was certainly more likely that some socially unacceptable behaviour on my part put me at risk, while these days, it appears to be the system doing its best.

Continue reading “You can’t kill me, I already tried.”

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